Well what a few weeks it has been! I have had a few people reaching out wondering what is going on with me! after all of this time stating I wouldn't go down the online & face out road again. To be honest I think this is the first time I have truly accepted me as myself. See one of the hardest things with being Armarni is there is no front here, I am authentically me. When I first started in the industry (before Armarni..& even in her begining) I had persona's I had a version of myself I created but overtime, Armarni and real life me have become one. I was living in a very small town, Sunshine Coast.
I didn't really feel comfortable in the quiet little street everyone knowing for sure I am an escort & did online porn. I didn't really feel like my living arrangements were suitable in order to keep me safe & keep some privacy in my personal downtime. I also guess I had so much internal stigma, I have over the years had so many people instructing me to start getting out of the industry, don't put things too out there or I won't find a husband etc. But after a lot of time to reflect & also observe those around me I have decided I don't want to be a 'wife' per-say and if a man isn't comfortable with my sexual side we really wouldn't work because I like a lot of sex & really like to give head :)... If something is mine I drain it so there is nothing left haha.
Also I think our world is pretty over populated and although like many I sometimes think that would be nice.But I think how things are now if as statistics say every women has 2 children, then out of the next generation repeat of that and so on. We will have not only a mass population problem of humans on our hands but the livestock they consume, there eventually won't be enough suitable farming grounds to grow all the food necessary. Not to mention the plagues & diseases that are likely to follow seen as though most viruses & plagues didn't start until colonisation. We are currently dealing with one and in honesty when will that end?
Observing also how many people are on only fans now & quiet open about it there will be plenty of children out there who may not have been able to have the best education but now can due to their parents doing all that is necessary to provide for their families. These children will be able to go to good schools, do their uni etc. So if I ever did have children, looking at Australian society so far since I was growing up sex work has gone through some major shifts and while there is still heaps of stigma it's now actually pretty common. I think it will be fairly normalised.
Also fun fact do you know that most women who are or are not sex workers have actually fantasised about being compensated for sex? Its actually a major turn on- they just may not admit it to most people but I guarantee you its so common. So there are some people who fantasise and some people who do!
The move has been a big shift in my energy also, I was feeling quiet stagnant & like I was just stuck in a 'rut' so to speak. but now I am feeling lively and like I can make decisions that I kept pushing back. Being face out I actually feel better, all these years of wondering if people staring at me knew well now I just assume they do and I really don't care less. I am happy doing what I do, there is no civi job I would prefer to do and I have no intentions of studying to get out of this industry. The only things I want to study are things that will help my current business grow & blossom.
I had been going through some major changes in my life, accepting that I won't be moving overseas, not only for myself but for others involved and letting go of that part of my life. That was excruciatingly hard for me, it was like loosing a major part of my identity. But now I have shifted and I have a fresh outlook on life I am feeling more myself & happier.
I was extremely anxious about other peoples opinions & also the prejudice that comes with being a sex worker, which is ridiculous and needs to change. Sex workers are people and all people are different in their own unique ways. But now I feel secure in myself and I don't really care less. Everyone who matters in my life knows, if they didn't know and they have an opinion oh well, sorry guess you weren't that important for me to tell :) ... I am not hurting anyone, I like sex but I don't see the point in free sex.
Many moons ago (like 18/19) I used to delve into the world of cam & web chats- I used to get off on not watching other people haha (I used to minimise them) but off on people watching me, I also like to watch myself its weird haha :P keep the mirrors away. But I feel like I am starting to accept the fact that yes I am sexual, yes I am horny and I don't care if my neighbours know that I masturbate & record myself doing so :P .
I don't care that people may recognise me because you know what alot of people did in Sunshine Coast when I was all blurred anyway, I think it was more of a thrill for them to approach me back then too. Just a friendly reminder it is against the law to out a sex worker (call them out in public, share their real name, share their address or incall address) as it can cause us danger or harm because stalkers are real & you could endanger their lives...
Anyways in the start of the year I had to force myself to start an AVN, I was sick with nerves & regretted it from the get go. Before I posted my face a few weeks ago I wasn't nervous at all. Writing this knowing I am dropping my pussy all over my onlyfans soon I am not nervous at all. I am accepting of me & my body.
My internalised stigma towards my work that is a huge part of my life was causing so much negative energy in my life, it also caused so many arguments between my friends and I. As I was so open with all the people in my life about my job they would sometimes forget that I was not as open with the world. That I still had some deep stigma. But I felt it shifting over the past few months and the move is what pushed it over the edge. Its gone, I am who I am and what I am.
I love me and that's all that matters :)
Hope that cleared things up
Hugs & Kisses
Armarni Bulkani
