Sometimes I feel as though the evolution in being an escort is disregarded, missed or lost in rebranding, renaming or relocation.
I do completely understand why many escorts choose to change name and rebrand as the years go on though.
When I reflect to whom I was in the beginning at 21 years (now 29 real human age) - what i looked like, my body, my goals, my understanding of the world, vocabulary & conversation skills. I am a completely different person now- there is glow ups and then there are alien abduction, and I'm definitely feeling more alien abduction when I look back. I'm insanely different.
See the thing is for many people there is a distinct difference between work them & home them... For me things became very blurred along the way and well as I have developed and changed, so has Armarni in every possible way.
I've always been incredibly odd with my perspective, morals and beliefs compared to the norm within the business and oddly that is what alot of people I meet love about me. I sort of feel people align for a reason and I accept enquiries for a reason.
We all go through times in our lives where we have to make hard decisions, have to experience tower moments, in order to rebuild and reground ourselves in this world.
For me I've had so many tower moments in my personal life lately & I realised a reoccurring theme is essentially I was heading in directions that go against personal values I have for myself. Against what I feel I want for my 'real' life.
You may have seen I'm deleting my content & leaving porn, onlyfans and explicit content behind. I don't regret that time- I learnt from it and from being on the screen I developed myself & my body further. Met some amazing, interesting people and understood myself further.
I guess deciding to walk away was the hard part- I've known for a long time onlyfans wasn't bringing me happiness and I personally dread filming, etc. It was a chore and stresser for me. When I started it came from a place of needing to adapt, from having large adjustments in my personal life.. Moving to a new city away from a few very generous men who cared for me & ofcourse the covid situation, as many people faced.
I poured alot of time, effort and money and I figured well- why stop now, keep going, it's already our there. I was meant to film with some of the industry greats from America & I cancelled the shoot. As much as I wanted to meet them and I feel a career goal I set for myself entering the porn industry would have been met by filming. However, it would have met more exposure & possibly, I would never have walked away. Meaning I would never go after what I truly want for myself in my personal life and always chased clout & exposure for Armarni. The lifestyle of Onlyfans just never aligned with me & who I am as a person.
The way I work in person, the respect & care I give to others and that I receive in return aligns with me more. People who I connect well with see I'm alot deeper than what you could comprehend through a screen or only sexually. I very rarely have dates that are only sexual- they are usually very companionship based, and that suits me better because I can then connect deeper too intimately. I connect with people through my work & make lasting bonds with those I connect well with. I don't dread being a companion, I have some great moments also some very funny times too- being the only sober person in a room can be a pretty fun experience at times..
The thing I love the most about being a companion is knowing people's true self- not the fluffed up dulled down version they give to the norm of society- seeing all of someone's flaws, highlights, lowlights and their true fantasies, goals & stories. It's a rare thing and I often wonder how people meet someone and marry them in the "real world", because so many people have no idea what their spouse truly likes or any of their depths.
To appreciate & care for someone when you know all of the things they are usually too ashamed to let society see - that's something special too me. I guess that's where stigma serves me something good - people figure she cannot judge, me so I can be real with her & I love that I know people's true self.
But it can be hard in many ways, sometimes things can get deep & well as deep as I know someone, I sometimes forget that well my end destination & path is not something that's easy to see. Well it's more so something I keep for me. So dynamics can get complex. Lines can twist and blur, but sometimes no matter how much truths you accept from someone, stigma is what they end up holding onto. What others can perceive & what others will think- even if they know truths it's what others will say they hold onto. They choose to live the lie and fluffed up version for society too see, a watered down version thats too bland for a truth like me.
And it makes me wonder if I could ever be a watered down version again. I was with my face blurred hidden behind fake jobs in conversation with strangers. But honestly I'm so proud of who I am and what i accomplished. I had a childhood & life that most people wouldn't have survived a week in. The growing pains from processing my life were hard and most of those I have done and have had the time, freedom and ability to do so as Armarni-. I don't regret my choices as who I am now I honestly cannot believe..
Even just what i have learnt over the last 12months blows my mind. Little own my body change (photoshoot in coming soon). I'm honestly the best version of me on all levels today & I know that regardless of my truths & choices I've made along the way I am an amazing person & someone who can bare their truths for the world to see.
That may not be comfortable for some people and I realise it would take a very strong person too stand next too me, as if they cannot front their truths like me, next to me- they would simply just look weak. I embrace my femininity & it would take a true masculine to handle the gossip of the watered down society.
Armarni Bulkani.