A few days ago I was talking with a girlfriend about this, she asked me do I get feelings for Clients & do they get them for me?...
Well feelings is a strong word. Do we get close... yes.. Do I miss them sometimes, some of them, yes. Sometimes I think about some of my Gentlemen, I do miss them sometimes I wonder how they are and when I will see them again.
Some undoubtedly would be aware of our true and authentic chemistry, and some if my personal life & career were different I would possibly consider a long term thing. But of course I am too smart too ever consider any relations free unless its love and well that's a different story..
So I guess the real question would be would I sleep with them for free? Well no because I don't sleep with anyone for free without a diamond ring & support guarantee 😂 I don't even do dinner dates for free ... Makes no sense too me. I see men mostly that I get along with and enjoy my time with, I get paid to. Go on dates with them that I enjoy so why would I do it for free?
Sorry too busy the bubble 💭 but free sex with me isn't really a thing & well most girls it isn't anyway. She will generally expect something.
Do they love me? Some I think become infatuated with the idea of me, some accidently say they love me, but in reality if it was a fulltime deal for them I do not think they could handle me. Haha.
I am an ambitious woman and if I am not on the move up or unable to foster my dreams and ambitions I will get bored, quickly.
Also I'm the type of girl in a relationship I want to milk you dry.. Not referring to your wallet there and it can get tiring, don't expect to keep that testosterone for yourself, as those who have slept next to me are aware my 🍑 is like a magnet & there is always disrupted sleep.
But there are someday's I find myself wishing a few of my favorite Gentlemen would organize a holiday for us some time somewhere intimate & private. Although I sometimes get to have these moments with them, its never long enough..
Admittedly those thoughts do sometimes concern me lol, also how aroused I become with some of my Gentlemen scares me a little haha...
It can be hard because sometimes you just have such sexual chemistry, but I think this business helped me truly distinguish between a few things I once struggled with.
Sexual attraction dosen't always = Sexual Chemistry. You may be attracted to someone but 97% of the time sex might be a drag with them, so appearance wise someone maybe appealing but sexually you may be incompatible.
Sexual Chemistry & Friendship does not always = Love, too love someone is different, actually I believe it can be a massive pain in the butt, enormous amounts of work and well it can be a lot more complicated than having sexual chemistry & connection.
It's something you cannot control and is so much more than the physical, its literally wanting to be with someone regardless of any worldly factors eg, money, lifestyle, appearance, fitness, career, health (on all levels), publicity- its something that literally can consume all of you and you do not care about what anyone else thinks.
There is also so many different kinds of love, before this industry I wasn't a believer in 'true love' whilst most ladies I have had the discussion with have had the opposite occur for them, it has made me believe in 'true love'.
I also have a better understanding of how there is friend love. I believe in my late teens & early adult life I nearly married into Friend love and it wouldn't have worked, and looking back although we had some good times, I wish we just remained friends. Sometimes that works out better and well for me the sex would get pretty boring sometimes, I like a bit of adventure and I have found with the right partner even the most boring positions and scenarios are actually still so arousing and adventurous every time. Just turns out that the 'soul Nate's feeling can occur on a friendship level without that will sexual attraction, I've even had some female friends who I feel so close too, zero sexual feelings for, we just mesh well. I think I like a lot of people confused this feeling for quiet some time.
Do I miss some of my gentlemen when they move, go on holidays or something comes up in life? Yes I do, one or two I want too just keep near me always 😂...
But this is how this works, I know that and so do they. Those who know me are well aware of my plans and none of those conclude with me settling & staying in Australia. Which ever way my life goes I know and so do they this is not where I feel most at home. I love the nature but I just do not fit in or feel like I belong here, never have.
I know this hurts some when it's brought up, so I'm not sure why they do. My permeate move has been postponed so many times now I think they just get worked up for no reason and that makes me sad. Just enjoy the moments we have together like I do too. I know eventually your life circumstances may change, I may wish you stay in my life as long as I'm still here in the country but in honesty that would be selfish of me. So instead I encourage us too enjoy what we have in its simplicity, understand it will change and embrace those changes when they come with best wishes & understanding with no judgement if things don't work out and we end up meeting again.
So as you can see my explanation is long and individual too each individual. As I explained too my friend, It's so much more complicated than a normal career and more hazardous if you do develop any form of attachment or dependence on someone.
