I am not going to lie 2020 was somewhat a year of personal success and growth for me. While most of the world does not like isolation ( I feel bad about the circumstances believe me), I personally am a person who relishes in their own company. I have read more than I have in years, done several courses, lost quite a significant amount of weight (healthily) , developed myself and my business significantly, completely started to flip my life and develop new perspectives on life.
I have also met some amazing clients in 2020, I actually cherish everyone of you that I have seen this year, there is not one man, or lady that I wish I didn't meet or see again. I really have finally fine tuned my screening process and by being more picky have had the best experiences.. Honestly each of the gentlemen & women I have spent time with this year thank you, cannot wait to see you all again. For those whom I am close to and for what ever reason this year we have had to change the dynamic of our meets I miss you.. You know who you are :P.
Let's be real, Last year was a different scenario (not because of clients, but me), every year was to be honest. For years I have morally struggled with my job, within myself. Somewhere between my beliefs, hopes for the future and this year when the whole world crashed down around me and things I had worked so hard for got put on hold for a time I still do not know when, at first I built on that part of me more.
I used to think about what I wanted originally for my life, then compare it to how things are. Of course when doing so I would picture all the good parts of the scenarios and not the bad and how they would be truthfully. But majorly in 2020 I gradually, thought F**it to put it lightly. All my life I have struggled and cared about what other people thought of me, what other people said about my occupation and way of life. Even more funnily with a focus on people who are not even actively in my life. Most of my life, I have aimed for the life of settling down with children a 'normal' life... The funny thing is people go to work everyday saving their money to retire & live a lifestyle like mine. Yes, believe it or not its paperwork central in this job, but I am low volume. I enjoy mucking around on computers and learning new skills. I don't physically work a lot of hours however, so I enjoy my life in my peaceful little home, read, study & enjoy my own company.
To be honest after all of this time on my own, I actually don't mind my life how it is. I am happy, beyond happy actually. I have amazing experiences & live a very chilled life. Im not stressed, I don't have some boss to listen too and in honesty I can get up whenever I want. I can do whatever I like. It's honestly like a dream.
The last year I realised that people work hard to achieve a lifestyle I already have.. Like 2020 I have been lazy work wise, I just figured even smaller circles in a pandemic when you have messed up lungs and asthma lol, so far so good.
2021 I am going to take it up a level. I am going to smarter & work harder because Miss Bulkani has property to buy & a life to set up. I am going to be more relaxed on myself and stop comparing myself to margins other people had set on me throughout my life. I'm actually the happiest I have been in my life. I am healthy, fitter than I have been in years, I like how I look & have a great relationship with myself. I am more educated than I ever was, I have taught myself so many things over the years and don't ever give myself the credit for how far I have come. Many people probably still remember me from when I fist come into the business, my first 3 years I had no one helping me, no one of experience who I got any assistance off. I worked my butt off, on my own in my own little 'stigmatised' bubble.
Isolation is nothing new to me, its how I live my life. Ever had someone ask to buy your panties in a grocery shop? A few years ago I did, I had no idea who the guy was but the little lady in the isle gave me a look I never forgot. People stare at me a lot, I do not look like other girls in my area. I actually think like most men know exactly who I am anyway, even with face blurred. I am very distinctive, I have never been a sheep and well I just don't really understand why I should want to look like other people anyway. I don't want to dress 'in fashion' because I do not want to look like other women. I like to express myself and well I am nothing like anyone else.
In 2020 I also went for the first time in over 5 years swimming & to the beach in a bikini. I have such a difficult time allowing myself to show my skin in public, again something I have programmed into my brain. But I felt amazing.
Before I went home from my holiday on a tropical island with one of the most amazing, polite & good in bed gentlemen I have ever met (not even joking wow), I went for a swim in the never ending pool, it felt so nice to have the cold water over my hair, even though I did get my eyelashes wet. It was a feeling of freedom, freedom from myself and the judgement and expectations I allow to be placed upon me.
I realised I don't need the conventional or traditional to be happy, remembered so many with the conventional are not truly happy anyway. Right there and then I realised I am happy, I am more respected in my job by men I meet with work than I have been in any type of conventional life relationship. My 'clients' check on me and probably care for me a lot more than most people in 'normal' life scenarios do. Most of the men I spend time with are so much more to me than 'clients', they are like my intimate friends and I truly enjoy our moments together.
I think one of the big factors in dealing with 2020 was cutting my tv antenna thingy lol. Once I seen Trump lost and was satisfied with that, the news was cut off out of my life. I read it instead, I read from several countries, read it in several languages and I truly feel better. I hate seeing the suffering of the world, and in honesty I realised watching it did nothing to help, watching it I was doing nothing constructive to assist the situation.
I in my own ways (as some reading would know) have done constructive things in my 'other' life to try and have a positive impact on the situation. I have studied alot, worked really hard and at times over the past few months been dealing with set backs in that business venture in my other life. A fun fact though, when you pretend to be a man in conventional business dealings you're actually listened to more, although dealing with parliament members is like talking to a brick wall & waiting for a response. It was annoying me so much I was getting to the point I was ready to put all of the members of parliament in a conventional oven as they are so narrow minded and stuck in there very inefficient ways. lol. Sort of joking... Sort of lol.
But the reason for the little glimpse is to let you know I am a complex piece of machinery lol, I may have seemed not to care about things partaking in the world. This is not the case, instead in my own little personal life I have been reading non stop, working around the clock in other business and being the biggest nerd I have been in years.
While I have been personally thriving in a more contactless environment, It has hurt me to see my peers, friends and those close too me who are naturally extroverts struggling with the changes. As well as to see so many people loosing their ways of life, and worse some loosing their lives. I have a broadened mind, I see well beyond the shores of Australia, those who come from, have travelled, lived abroad or just dream of foreign lands would be well and truly aware how narrow minded some people can be. I am definitely not one of them. My heart and thoughts extends well beyond this country. I feel for the world, I feel for the parts we do not see or hear about on mainstream tv. I feel for those who are judged based on where they come from, from the colour of their skin, their family tree, their religion. I see it and I feel it, as those things have impacted the people closest to me. I hope in 2021 the world will become a world where everyone will want to & can live in, a world where we can start to live together without judgement and premeditated beliefs about a stranger we have never met. It may seem a little far fetched but I can have hope.
I too am separated from most of my dearest & best friends. Although we don't get to see each other as often as we like usually, the comfort of knowing we could when we wanted has been taken away. I was moving this year too another country where I feel more home, more accepted as the odd specimen I am. I place where I am more appreciated and not stared at 24/7 when I leave the house (seriously some of you people in the Sunshine Coast need to get a hobby or something, gossip is so unhealthy for you, but I do like nature so guess I am here for a while longer while in the country.. (who knows when I will leave) I keep thinking I should relocate to a bigger city but I am happy in home here.
So something I am working on in 2021 is my social anxiety, when I am Armarni I am fine, she is so used to dealing with strangers lol. But the real me haha, I don't know why but she is petrified in public. Personally I feel like I'm phasing 'real me' out, becoming a bit of an inconvenience and not really providing many positive qualities. Armarni is me, just with added confidence.
I want to start accepting who I am a little bit more, start developing my business more and doing things I have put off due to expectations in my life. I am going to start being a little bit more sexually adventurous too, those pse seekers keep your eyes open and glued to my page.
I will still be keeping things in a manner where I do not waste my time with incompetent men who cannot contact me correctly.
I am really enjoying my fitness & I unintentionally went full vegetarian in 2020, I will stay this way and welcome a few of my old non contact sports back into my life soon. People who have never tried vegetarian meat alternatives are missing out. Honestly its so less boring than being a meat eater. I have so much more variety & well in honesty all of the people sharing those gross videos of people eating weird animals without warnings on social media did this. I used to eat seafood, not now. I want none of it lol. I can't even stomach a boiled egg now, texture freaks me out lol.
2021 is going to see me in the beginning focusing just on Queensland I think, I will be starting to adjust travel dates & start doing some drive in- drive out tours & fly far north QLD (when enough pre-bookings or ill just stay home).
I am welcoming arrangements again, I will be going further into this in a new blog. Arrangements will be valid for Sunshine Coast, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Wide Bay & Darling Downs. I will link the Blog here when it is complete, it will detail some of the perks and expectations & explain how it works.
I am getting kinkier & will be offering Pornstar type experiences, ones that I have never offered before. I will be bringing back role play options because I love them, I am very good at them and haven't got to do them for ages.
Now 2020 did not go the way I expected at all, but at the same time I am glad I did my best at using this down time constructively. I have spent the last few weeks trying to unwind and prepare for year full of good times, work, travel & spending time with great people.
If you're struggling with the situation keep your chin up, keep working hard on yourself and enjoy all the little things we can take for granted. This will eventually pass, by trying to use any access time constructively you can help shape your future growth, potential and drastically change how you can impact the world. Even if it means just relaxing a little bit more, exercising, eating better, turning off the tv and listening to all the small noises around you, some how try find some inner peace within yourself, as sadly for most of us that is all we can do and hope things change soon.
2021, it may be a little later start for some people around the globe, but eventually we are coming to get you- double goals to kick, double the anticipation to try.
Also if your wanting to make a seductive resolution let me know. I wish you all the best and most prosperous year.
Also just quickly I love my December 15th 2020 shoot, let me know what you think of it. Have a great day, stay safe & healthy.
Hugs & Kisses