A glimpse into my 2020, What will 2021 Bring?
I am not going to lie 2020 was somewhat a year of personal success and growth for me. While most of the world does not like isolation ( I feel bad about the circumstances believe me), I personally am a person who relishes in their own company. I have read more than I have in years, done several courses, lost quite a significant amount of weight (healthily) , developed myself and my business significantly, completely started to flip my life and develop new perspectives on life.
I have also met some amazing clients in 2020, I actually cherish everyone of you that I have seen this year, there is not one man, or lady that I wish I didn't meet or see again. I really have finally fine tuned my screening process and by being more picky have had the best experiences.. Honestly each of the gentlemen & women I have spent time with this year thank you, cannot wait to see you all again. For those whom I am close to and for what ever reason this year we have had to change the dynamic of our meets I miss you.. You know who you are :P.
Let's be real, Last year was a different scenario (not because of clients, but me), every year was to be honest. For years I have morally struggled with my job, within myself. Somewhere between my beliefs, hopes for the future and this year when the whole world crashed down around me and things I had worked so hard for got put on hold for a time I still do not know when, at first I built on that part of me more.
I used to think about what I wanted originally for my life, then compare it to how things are. Of course when doing so I would picture all the good parts of the scenarios and not the bad and how they would be truthfully. But majorly in 2020 I gradually, thought F**it to put it lightly. All my life I have struggled and cared about what other people thought of me, what other people said about my occupation and way of life. Even more funnily with a focus on people who are not even actively in my life. Most of my life, I have aimed for the life of settling down with children a 'normal' life... The funny thing is people go to work everyday saving their money to retire & live a lifestyle like mine. Yes, believe it or not its paperwork central in this job, but I am low volume. I enjoy mucking around on computers and learning new skills. I don't physically work a lot of hours however, so I enjoy my life in my peaceful little home, read, study & enjoy my own company.
To be honest after all of this time on my own, I actually don't mind my life how it is. I am happy, beyond happy actually. I have amazing experiences & live a very chilled life. Im not stressed, I don't have some boss to listen too and in honesty I can get up whenever I want. I can do whatever I like. It's honestly like a dream.
The last year I realised that people work hard to achieve a lifestyle I already have.. Like 2020 I have been lazy work wise, I just figured even smaller circles in a pandemic when you have messed up lungs and asthma lol, so far so good.
2021 I am going to take it up a level. I am going to smarter & work harder because Miss Bulkani has property to buy & a life to set up. I am going to be more relaxed on myself and stop comparing myself to margins other people had set on me throughout my life. I'm actually the happiest I have been in my life. I am healthy, fitter than I have been in years, I like how I look & have a great relationship with myself. I am more educated than I ever was, I have taught myself so many things over the years and don't ever give myself the credit for how far I have come. Many people probably still remember me from when I fist come into the business, my first 3 years I had no one helping me, no one of experience who I got any assistance off. I worked my butt off, on my own in my own little 'stigmatised' bubble.
Isolation is nothing new to me, its how I live my life. Ever had someone ask to buy your panties in a grocery shop? A few years ago I did, I had no idea who the guy was but the little lady in the isle gave me a look I never forgot. People stare at me a lot, I do not look like other girls in my area. I actually think like most men know exactly who I am anyway, even with face blurred. I am very distinctive, I have never been a sheep and well I just don't really understand why I should want to look like other people anyway. I don't want to dress 'in fashion' because I do not want to look like other women. I like to express myself and well I am nothing like anyone else.
In 2020 I also went for the first time in over 5 years swimming & to the beach in a bikini. I have such a difficult time allowing myself to show my skin in public, again something I have programmed into my brain. But I felt amazing.
Before I went home from my holiday on a tropical island with one of the most amazing, polite & good in bed gentlemen I have ever met (not even joking wow), I went for a swim in the never ending pool, it felt so nice to have the cold water over my hair, even though I did get my eyelashes wet. It was a feeling o