Sometimes I forget just how far I have came in life, then I sit and look back in somewhat disbelief. Something that honestly really started to change my life was installing gratitude into my life everyday. Being thankful for all I do have has made me receive so much more than what I originally had. Thinking more so about what I am doing for others & what I am giving opposed to what I am getting in return has always improved what I am receiving.
Setting standards to live by and having boundaries set in stone that I do not go over is something I have found very beneficial to my mental health. For my professional life that is my business policies- If someone does not respect me and my business policies before even meeting me how would they respect me & my rules in the bedroom- Short answer they wouldn't So I NEVER negotiate or bend them those who ask just go on the mute/ block list on my phone because I just don't like that energy.
The brain is similar to a muscle if you do not use it it will weaken and lessen with strength over time- of course injuries, illnesses and circumstances can occur altering this however constantly learning, improving skills, reading, writing and even listening to educational information can improve your brain function. Ensuring I work on improving my memory and ensuring to keep learning is very important to me. I have always loved self learning and constant continual education. In fact everything I have self educated myself in (pretty much for free) has always earned me more money than anything taught in paid courses. I am a bit of a nerd as I love learning new things and well I love that about myself.
There are somethings I find self deprivation to be a test of self discipline and strength- depending on my objectives and goals I go through times where I may deprive myself of things I enjoy or something I feel I would enjoy to ensure I have the discipline required to accomplish a task I am working on. For me this is like a way to ensure my progress in a task & also too see how far I have come in my self development.
Independence is something I think alot of people think they have but ultimately they do not. Being independent is when you literally do not need any other human to fulfil your happiness, you do not need to blame anyone else for your failures or positions in life. For years I used to make excuses why I could not accomplish something, I would blame the past, some other person etc. When I look back at that person I honestly cannot believe it was even me. Getting rid of this mentality and energy has been one of the greatest accomplishments of my life because no one can hold you back like your own negative thinking.
Having the strength to know when a situation or person no longer serves you and having the strength to remove or distance yourself. This was something I used to struggle a lot with in some respects however, in some areas of my life I have always been pretty good at putting distance between myself and people that no longer align with my path or might be no good for me. I used to hold onto intimate relationships that had ran their course because I would look at how man years I had put into the connection, I used to define myself via a connection. Now I look at that and it makes me somewhat sick. Now after a lot of time self reflecting and developing myself I see myself as a complete whole individual- I do not need anyone else to make me whole or to help me achieve success. I understand that people change & some don't. Who we aligned with 2 years ago may not serve us now- what I wanted two years ago I personally do not want now.
I am very much an independent person who likes being on their own and I believe this is an important part of being successful in any relationship anyway- to be happy within yourself. Sure if the right person came along who also is independent and not completely needy needing constant attention ( I am busy and well someone who is set on success & evolving themselves would be too & ultimately that's someone I would align with). But definitely one day I wouldn't mind forming a bad ass two person team with someone, but not if it would compromise my goal of success.
Evaluate yourself & what you really want..
Well what is success for you?- Great question and well this is something I pondered on for a long time. Being extremely introverted its not about fame etc or anything like that for me- yes it is about money. Some say money is the root of all evil, but I believe money when used correctly can help so many people- I have been at a point in life with no money and well that's was a point in life with all evil- if you think of money as evil & negative you will never obtain money anyways, if you look at the good money can do you will ultimately form a better relationship with money and therefore have more of it. For me right now money enables me to live comfortably while continue developing myself so I can make more money and help causes close to my heart and establish my zone.
MY ZONE haha what is that? Well that's what I really am referring to as my dream home, but for me its more than a home - eventually I wish to own almost like a compound or Riad as some may know where I basically do not have the need to leave unless I want to and well why would I because it will be like heaven on earth for me and my fur babies. Most people wouldn't be allowed in my zone either lol just putting it out there- I am a massive believer in energy and I do not like my energy to be impacted negatively in my space.
I enjoy being home, for me I feel the ultimate goal is to have a place on earth where it's full of all the things I like where energy is good & that feels like I am on holiday everyday, a place I don't want to leave.I see people travel and for me it seems somewhat a waste of money as I would prefer to make my home the place I enjoy being the most. Dont get me wrong there are many places I would love to see but I like sleeping at home in my bed above all lol. I do love Dubai, I honestly do see myself living there someday- but not unless I have an investors visa haha- Girls got plans, expensive ones & as I am a nature freak I wouldn't want to be in the city there think Private Island - underwater rooms on a houseboat- that seems suffice lol the zero tax seems like a dream especially with plans I have. I like to be in my own space with my fur babies and sleeping in my own bed. That is how I am most happy and I guess that is why speaking honestly I cannot see myself ever getting back on the touring waggon. I hated it. All I could think about was getting home lol. Thankfully I do very well without it anyway as people are understanding what I am about a little more- small tight circles- Oh get your mind out of the gutter lol, meaning I do not want many lovers just a few very good ones.
I like peace, I like nature, I like serenity but I also like pushing the limits on what I am told is possible in most aspects of my life. Someone telling me I cannot do something is usually such motivation too prove that I can- because I ultimately believe a persons success is limitless or the only limits that exist are the ones you allow to exist in your own mind.
In the past I have said that I would never consider dating again, possibly I was in honesty limited in my thinking at that time- I think the possibility is incredibly slim because I am very particular and for my happiness I know I ultimately I need to be with someone who also has the same sort of goals, values, sense of enjoyments & disciplines. Example someone who likes to go out all the time or wants to travel heaps ultimately wouldn't align with my true, real self.
Dont quit until its done...
I have huge ambitions and I have a standard in mind to set before I ever leave anything behind, I have not reached my peak and until I do I think I would always think 'what if'. I believe we all leave behind a legacy in everything we do and in so many past experiences in my life I have not been happy how I left things off. So I would never want to do that going forward, I would need to reach a limit that I am proud to leave as the end of a chapter & well I am not there yet. Also I would want to leave my legacy out there- this is not something I am ashamed of, I am proud of what I have accomplished so far & I want to achieve more before the end of the chapter. I am full of ambition and also wanting to be a bread winner, I dont just want to marry someone rich- see I would never feel secure. If I did not also have a means to make the capital I am used to and more- so behind the scenes Armarni is always in self education to ensure she can make very decent money from the comfort of her home regardless of world or personal circumstances (thanks covid for the kick up the bum, and well life for putting signs in my path).
Is it something that you Desire, or something that is Expected?
I do not want children, I just do not think it is for me, I think I have too much ambition personally to be able to give something so much effort. Procreation holds a lot of meaning for others but very little meaning for me. I held onto societies expectation for a long time and wouldn't accept that its not for everyone. The past few years I really learnt this would not give me happiness, it would just make me feel like my own personal goals are less significant.
Many people live their lives through thinking what others will think- If you don't have children your family will be disappointed, if you leave your job and follow your dreams people will think your mad, your parents will disown you if you stop following a religion you do not believe in, your wife might leave you if you want to dress up as a baby sometimes. So many people are obsessed with what others think that they do not actually think for themselves & do what they truly want to do. I have my own belief system I don't even share with people but one of the main aspects is that everyone is an individual, only they know their story and their creator and no no one else can judge them.
But not living true to yourself is horrible, I did that for years in my career- I hid it for a long time as it is taboo for most of society and well people are usually less accepting. People would ask what I do and I would lie- now I will just say I make porn, I am an escort etc I do not care because I accept myself and know that most people do not accept themselves or even know themselves. I am happy within myself and I do not want to conform to society which is filled with people who are deep down unhappy with their lives because they are living what someone else wanted for them, not what they wanted for themselves.
Your inner self...
Getting in touch with my inner self again has been a huge game changer for me- Positivity attracts positivity, being greatful for even the bad times because eventually they will be lessons that grow your character. We all have an inner being, we all are more than our physical body (we should honour that & care for it too) but we have something within us that we should all spend more time listening too, getting in touch with. Working on our inner being will help all other aspects of our lives and I truly think so many people miss out on that opportunity because we label ourselves religiously & spiritually too much. Dont worry about your labels and just focus on your true inner self- meditate, spend time inside your own mind without any other distraction. Listen to motivational speakers, really listen and start to think more positive thoughts this takes practice to truly believe these things and really work on yourself inwardly so you can achieve more outwardly.
Everyday you wake up is a blessing and sometimes we need a slap in the face to realise that to put our problems into perspective. I had plenty of slaps in the face over the last 12 months, I have grown more in the last 12 months internally than I have in the past 12 years. I am a different person to who I was 12 months ago and I look forward to evolving yet again into a even more mindful person than I am now.
One of the ways you can get through your most challenging days is to stop looking at the past, stop making up your future in your mind and focus on right now. Focus on your breathing, water flowing on your hands from the faucet - what you can hear, what you can smell, taste, feel and think right now in this exact moment what is so bad? What can you do right now in this exact moment to shape your future more favourably? Too change your perspective of the past so it becomes a tool for your future? The past is full of lessons, some can be very hard but those lessons once you can see them as that will be the most valuable tool you can have- every battle you have overcome should signal strength within yourself. But for now just be present, be grateful for all you have in your life because ultimately it will change your life.
Little bit different to most of my blogs but writing is how I express myself, I write many things I would never publish but there are many things I believe could help others & this is one of them.
Hope you enjoyed some of my inner assessment I do regularly on myself.
Hugs & Kisses
xx
Armarni Bulkani