Time is of the Essence
If your a client and an escort develops feelings for you, you need to understand they tend to know the things you classify as flaws that you hide from norms of society.
If they accept those things about you, that must mean they truly like the actual essence of you.
I truly believe we know people deeper than what they know themselves half the time.
People wear facades for society, we see under the mask in most circumstances.
It's a extremely rare thing that someone develops actual "love" feelings for clients in the business. We can get crushes or slight infatuation with a life or what ever, but love/deep feeling although be it rare - it does happen.
Although usually around the other way -
When it's mutual & brought to light~ usually cut or made to fade away due to stigma & worry of others perception. The crippling voice of "logic".
Logic & fears of what others would think- the same reason people hide their true essence.
But something I've learnt to accept if I'm too meet someone outside of this work I'd never probably see their true essence- that is what scares me. What if I don't like their essence- what if what I like is the facade.
People marry people and most have no idea who that person truly is at a core.
Some people are very open, but that is very rare & usually in open type relationships. I'm a traditionalist at core, so rules me out for those sorts of relationships.
But I think about this often, their has been people in my life I've loved spending time with- they become hard to accept when our times had ended but I didn't think of taking things "off the books" completely.
There has been one, but the voice of logic was in my mind for a long time, and well I guess I was scared. Because yes I knew their essence, I knew everything they had been up to- parts of that, so far from how I am.
But some how, in all their mess & "flaws" they were somewhat home to me in my own mess & chaos. The one person I felt I could show parts of my essence. As F'd I knew it was- I knew my intention & feeling was pure too.
Conversations were had but Ofcourse my job- the only way they would have met me- the only way I would have seen their essence & even let down any walls. Couldn't be accepted.
But it made me think-
Do I really want to be this Forever?
It had been 8years since I had let down walls like that.
A long time since I was truly interested in someone.
I guess time has made me realise even further,it wasn't only a passing crush replaced by another.
I truly had deep feelings for their crazy ass.
I was going through alot at the time & truly I thought it would fade. I knew I cared but Sheesh.
They are right I really need to make decisions about what I truly want in life.
I have been, by EOFY next year Armarni will be retiring.
I'm not organising anything for the New Year.
Not booking further than a month ahead.
I know a lot of my friends from interstate & SC etc would want to spend more time with me before I trade full time & retire.
I'm getting serious with my charts now- & I'm not going to pressure my progress, but I don't think I'll be around past December.
I'm ready to have my life now.
I healed through alot of traumas from my youth in this career & made myself the whole, capable person I am today.
The realisation, that I do desire something authentic & deep helped me progress even further & the glow up is the result of that.
I'm stepping my energy away from this, besides my actual clients that respect me & care for me-
I'm not really bothering to respond to people who contact me (unless decent enquiry).
This career has helped me in so many ways but I have also sacrificed alot.
Who I am now is someone I never thought I could be & this career, helped me uncover me.
If someone cannot accept this part of my past when it becomes it, they don't deserve the result of it.
I'm looking forward too the future, but still enjoying each step on the way there 💜🙏🏻🧿